A Conduit

Webster’s Dictionary of ‘conduit’ is: “a means of transmitting or distributing.”

In regards to people and relationships, being a conduit person can refer to someone who positively connects people and places or distributes something of value to another.

For many years, I was not a conduit.

I now would akin my old self to more of a brick wall and a lot of the time, a sponge…a brick wall that would block anything positive and a sponge that never gave anything back.

Because of my deep need to feel included, to feel acknowledged, to feel like I mattered, I would listen to respond rather than to hear. I would obliviously hijack conversations and not realize how abrasive it was to constantly override someone elses’ sharing of their story or experiences. I subconsciously had to constantly fill the void of emptiness and though I thought I was simply relating my own experience with theirs, when I opened my mouth uninvited, I wasn’t doing that at all. I would turn the conversation around and somehow make it about me.

Even though in my heart I loved people, thought of them and wanted to help them, I was so injured emotionally that I unintentionally sucked up every tiny little bit attention at the expense of lasting friendships, business partnerships and the early years in relationship with my husband and then oldest son.

I used to be an emotional taker. It took losing/repelling a few dear friends to understand what I was actually doing. I didn’t even know it at the time.

3 basic human needs are to feel safe, to feel heard and to feel special.

I don’t think I felt any of those for a long time and it came out in an unfortunate way. I was emotionally stunted and didn’t have the tool set to be a genuinely positive conduit of a person.

Fast forward to today, I’m grateful I listened, observed, acknowledged and took to heart the quiet signals and also the humbling blunt signs that prompted my desire to look closely in the mirror and decide to change. Although it was an extremely painful process, it was a necessary one.

Finally free of the need of outside approval from any human being, I still falter from time-to-time (and certainly do expect unconditional attention from our Morkie Daisy ;) though I now heed constructive criticism and feedback…and I even ask for it…because I know it will and does make me a better me.

Sometimes it’s hard to give to others when we think we need it most, when we feel so emotionally dry, when our bucket is empty. But, I’ve learned the absolute best thing to do if I’m feeling bummed out, hurt or down is to lift up someone else and give them what I have to give.

If you practice this you will win at the game of life…every time.

Your good days will far outweigh your bad days and you, your family, your employees and your business will all be better for it….promise.

-Becky