‘Cereal It Is’

Sometimes, It’s Oxygen Mask On First

Our boys are 9 and 16 years old.

To rear a child reasonably healthily, they require water, fruits, veggies, decent meals here and there, love, consistency and all the reset of that good stuff.

Sure there are exceptions but it’s well-known(or at least it should be!)that there is an overall unequal, unhealthy work-load that weighs more heavily on the female side of the scale in many, if not most, homes.

Regardless if she is in school, busts her butt from/in the home or works a job that takes her away from the home the ‘emotional labour’, as it is often referred to, is becoming more and more difficult for the wife and/or mother figure to juggle because there’s more and more…not less…assumed of us to do.

There are others but here is one article that gives insight to what I’m talking about if you are new to hearing this term (though the concept has been standardized since…almost forever…sigh):

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

Something I’m actively working on is saying no, deciding I’m not going to do something or stating I simply don’t want to x, y or z…without giving an apology, an excuse or an explanation.

Now I don’t mean neglecting my responsibilities or turning a blind eye to nurturing and loving my family, what I mean is I’m making a conscious effort to say no to the seemingly little requests or choosing not to pick up that sock that’s laying at the front door…again. Sure it would be easy to grab but it’s imperative that I remain persistent in my pursuit of not being ‘the (unpaid) help’ in my home.

I worked 12–14 hour shifts at a mine rotating 7 days 7 nights when Luke was three months old and I was four months post my last round of chemo.

Yes, three months old.

I had been laid up for so long being sick and unable to really use my brain or feel like I contributed at all to life, I went to work at a job I knew and loved... running a concrete batch plant and driving truck again.

Luke had barely said hello to the world and I shipwomeped him off to the only daycare that would take him for a small fee of $1300.00 a month (bottle feeding and extra diaper changes are costly). On top of the $900 or so we were paying for Braden to be in before-and-after school care, which included the extra fee for Pro-D days, our total fees for childcare were over $2000.00 per month.

Because of my work schedule, we ate out more, drove more…which used more gas…and a whole host of other undertakings that forced us to accrue extra necessary and unnecessary costs.

Like many, on top of work (any type of work), there was still the to-do’s of grocery shopping, feeding animals, cooking, dishes, paying bills, organizing taxes, do dishes, prepping meals, remembering if we were out of tomato soup or cheerios, taking a mental inventory of laundry soap, shampoo and dish detergent, taking Braden to recreational sports and activities, family birthdays, my and Luke’s health appointments, hair cuts, dentist appointments, packing lunches, etc. etc. etc.

I made alright money but by the time I calculated the above and weighed out all the expenditures at a job that I enjoyed yet didn’t (actually) offer room for growth, it was not at all worth the money, time or life.

The funny thing is that situation wasn’t unfamiliar. The workload and the overall vibe was there before that ‘job’ hasn’t changed much…only now it looks a bit different.

That is why I’ve been purposeful lately to intentionally acknowledge uneven situations, task distribution and lopsided assumptions and address them in a positive way.

I have goals, hopes and dreams. I am me. I am my own human. I have projects I want to continue to work on, learn more about and finish…without being unnecessarily exhausted and taxed.

I used to get stressed that my family wouldn’t have a full spectrum colour rainbow of homemade fresh food each day, that they didn’t drink enough water, that they didn’t get enough fresh air or have a balanced social life.

We all try our best to do what we know is best. When we know better, we must do better.

…and that includes for myself (‘ourselves’- ladies!) so I’m learning to be ok with cereal for dinner because as the safety rule states… ‘oxygen mask on first’.

-Becky