“If You Want More Joy & Peace In Life- Stop Doing These 3 Things”

BLOG DAY 32/365

We know there are helpful and harmful mindsets and habits that either contribute to our successes in life or hinder them.

If you’re anything like I was, you may not even realize that you are operating within a limiting belief system and are established in crummy patterns that are crippling your progress.

You may be internally raising your hand to what I just said.

If any of it resonated with you, I invite you to keep reading about the 3 things you need to stop doing if you want more joy and peace in your life.

Here you go:

Oh my, did I ever struggle with this one for a long time. Sure, my life was different from others in my family growing up and it didn’t look like many of my friend’s lives either. I used to

constantly compare what I had and who I was to those around me and that only made me miserable. Slowly yet surely, over the years, I grew more and more bitter and I allowed my heart to harden. My bad attitude targeted those closest to me. Ironically this is something that we don’t want to happen but it does and we hurt those we love the most. My bad attitude initiated toward the most convenient target, my parents. I began to feel they owed me something. I began to feel that they owed me my youth and the time I could never get back, that they owed me a certain kind of lifestyle, that they owed me something for my challenging experiences. Then I met Jeff and felt because we had a child when we were young and had many problems that he somehow owed me something and I could just live in my self-righteous bubble. Then we had our first son and I brought that sense of jadedness into the beginning of motherhood. I was tired, I had been through a lot, I felt defeated in life, I came up with excuses, I came up with reasons why I shouldn’t have to be the one to take action. I was bitter having to sacrifice and exchange my goals and dreams for my husband and son’s. I felt justified in my feelings and was sure someone owed me for all my pain, suffering and goals unaccomplished. The thing is, I didn’t exactly like being that way but I was addicted to that cycle and I just couldn’t rid myself of those unhealthy mindsets. Well, newsflash…no one owed me a darn thing. I was my own worst enemy and was the only one getting in my way. It was a painful but necessary pill to swallow…to face that humbling truth. But, when I did get through that process, I became so free, so confident and finally at peace. My marriage got better, my relationship with my kids and my interactions with my family got better. I am content. If you have a small or large chip off your shoulder about anything, some advice I’ll give is to share your insecurities with someone you trust, acknowledge that you feel the way you do and then let that s*#t go, take a long sobering look in the mirror and then write down things you love about yourself. If we don’t truly love ourselves in a healthy way, it’s literally impossible to genuinely love others…even if you think you do. The biggest gift you can give yourself and those you love is the real you, without thinking anyone owes you anything…because they don’t. It’s all in your court.

Not only does no one really care about what we have to complain about, it’s proven that negative talk is significantly more physically and emotionally draining than positive talk. I’m not sure if it is much of a coincidence that people who are negative chronic complainers seem to be more tired than others. I’m familiar with this idea because I went through a period in life when I never smiled, had a poor-me attitude and was a serial complainer. The thing is, I didn’t like the way I was and unfortunately I ended up repelling people. Though I still have days when a pity-party is thrown, the best thing I ever did was take an inventory of my thoughts, words and actions and started asking people meaningful questions (without the intent of asking to respond!) rather than stating my complaints when in conversastion. Thoughts are things and I now do my best to make sure the words that leave my lips have been internally filtered to some degree. Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it gossip? Is it a complaint?

It’s great to celebrate and discuss the achievements of others and keep up with important community and global happenings. It is necessary to bounce issues or ideas off of friends or family members and it is also beneficial to share the challenges we face with someone we trust. There is a distinction, however, in being loose-lipped, badmouthed and choosing to talk about meaningless things and about other people. Besides simply being unkind, another reason people exhibit this type of behaviour stems from being very insecure and wanting to feel like they matter or to be a part of whatever is that’s being talked about. Again, I know this stuff because I have been there. For example, some things I used to do are; I would embellish my relationship with someone I thought was cooler or of higher status than me to make whoever it was I was talking to think I was just as cool or worthy to be around. I did know a lot of people but out of the deep need to feel included and valued, I would talk about other people’s business like it had relevance to or mattered to my own life. Oh, how I wasted a lot of time and energy caring about and putting time into others lives and goals rather than focusing on my own. It was cringe-worthy and consuming. So, my advice to anyone out there who struggles with this type of thing is to just do you. Cultivate a creative hobby, write down things that got you excited as a child…because we are all still kids inside!, and take a baby step towards trying something new. The biggest piece of advice I can give to get you out of this rut is give of your time and resources to help someone else…outside of your family. Help someone who could never reciprocate. Not only will you now have interesting things to chat about, you’ll gain new confidence from trying a new thing and you will fill your soul by giving back to someone else.

Wishing you success with your new-found joy and peace,

-Becky Boughton